Christmas is only four day's away!! I am praying for a snow storm so Kevin and I have a reason to stay at home and not be able to make any place for Christmas. I hear my mom may not be at my grandma's for Christmas eve becuase she does not have any gas to get there. Go figure. She every year hounds gives us greif about not lumping her in with Grandma's Christmas. She expects us to see her Christmas eve and Christmas day. It is so hard. We usually do Christmas eve with Grandma, my aunt and uncle, my two cousins with there family's and my mom. Than Christmas day we do our own thing here at home in the morning and than go to Kev's parents for Christmas eavning, but my mom expects us to come and see her on Christmas Day too. My siblings and I have all thought about all having mom over for supper one day I will have it at 12:00 my sister will have it at 12:05 and than my brother at 12:10 and she BEST make it to all of them and get some quality visiting in. I really hate the holiday's. Now it is a added stress how am I going to make Christmas good for all involved?.? It isn't as easy as telling her this is the way it is going to be it does not work that way cause I will still get a good chewing. I am 30 years old and still terrified of her.

At anyrate Kev and I finished our shopping last night. My mother will not like her gift she will have somthing to say about it. Which pisses me off cause she is hard to shop for. I don't have the money to spend on her or anybody for that matter. This year Christmas scares. If it wasn't for a friend that I met on line that had her youth group sponsor our kids they wouldn't have much. There has been a few friends that have sent us gift cards for Christmas and we have used those too. What a way to spend our first Christmas in our new house. I hope somday we will look back on this year and say boy that was a hard year and say look were we are now.

We are having Christmas with my dad on Friday the 23rd I am looking forward to that. My dad called and said I am as serious as a heart attack I do not want you to buy us anything for Christmas. Well my sis and I went in on a 15.00 gift for him a old fashioned popcorn popper my dad will love it. The kids went to a dollar store and each got Grammy and papa two presents each. Parker got papa a nut cracker and a porcelian black car. He got Grammy a plate with holly and a cardinal on it and Jesus in a manger. McKinlea got papa some candy looking christmas ornaments and a dog toy that says lets play and she got grammy some candy looking christmas ornaments and a dog toy that says love. Easton he got grammy two metal sleighs and papa some reindeer ears with jingles on them and a porcelain house that you have to paint yourself. Easton was so funny we would say ok Easton pick somthing for Grammy and he would put his hands on his hips and go Hmmmmmmmm and than pick what was in front of him and he did the same for Papa too. My dad gets a kick out what they pick for them we have done this since Parker was little. We go to the dollar store and say ok you have this whole store go pick two things our for papa and grammy. One year Parker picked out a heart shaped bath sponge and a waste paper basket for papa. It is always a good chuckle and the kids love shopping for them they take great thought in there choices and they pick things our and put back many times before the desicion is made.

I have been in a backing mood. I have made these chocolate bar things, chocolate mint brownies in which Parker informed me that I make these every year. Which I guess I do it isn't Christmas with out them. My grandma makes it every year for as long as I can remeber at Christmas time. Cinnamon dough ornaments (non ediable), cinnamon swirl cake for grammy's
birthday that was on the 19th We were given two unbaked loafs of Amish friendship bread so I backed that too. I would really like to make some sugar cookies and fudge. I really need to do the sugar cookies cause we have to set them our for Santa. Parker is pretty excited about that.

Every year we set out somthing for santa I try to have cookies there was a few years we were out of milk so we put koolaid out instead Santa liked it the same. Santa has left muddy footprints on my kitchen floor before and glitter all over the table and left a note on the fridge. Since we don't have a fireplace we leave this magical key suction cupped to the window of the front door and only Santa can get it to work and he leaves it on the table too. It is a old fasion skelton key with a tag on it that say's santa has the key to your house. I found it at a craft fair one year and the kids love it!!

Today Parker is having his Christmas party at school. He got his person one of those fly wheel thingy's and he got his teachers a car wash, a homade cinnamon dough ornament and two candy canes with a packet of hot chocolate. His home room teacher got the same thing but a gift card to a cafe here were we live and his aid also the same as his main teacher. We gave the bus driver which is also Kev's boss for his second job we made a fruit basket with apple, oranges, a pineapple and two candy canes, two packets of hot chocolate and a homemade ornament ast well.

I hope everybody has a Merry Christmas!!!

~ Wendy

We had our apt in Marshfeild on Monday Dec 12th for his eye's. The eye dr. there really didn't say anything different than our home one. He has nerve damage that is causing the muscle not to work very well. If I got it straight it is when he moves his eye's to the side's. We go back on March 22nd to see if the nerve has regenerated at all. From there they will determine if it has gotten any better, alot better or the same and take a plan of action being 1.) it's great life goes on 2.) it seems to be better come back in so many months or 3.) it is not getting better we need to do somthing about it.

We went to Scheels on Sunday to look at helemets for him. They adviced us to get a skateboarding helmet. It I guess is the best for all around sporting stuff. So that is the route we are going to take when it comes time to buy one.



~ Wendy

Do you ever wonder what your marriage is going to be like after the kids are grown and out of the house. Somtimes I think Kevin and I will be strangers. We never take time for ourselves. If I am talking to him and one of the kids come up to us and start talking he totally stops talking with me and pays attention to the kids. I am starting to get really hurt by this. I have told him but ya know my feelings are wrong, I think to much he gets snotty with me and always has a argument. I wish you could be a fly on our walls. So why bother talking to him I don't anymore about my feelings. Also it seems like these days Kevin NEVER hears me or is always walking away from me when I am talking to him. For example last night I was telling him how to do the deposit I wanted it one way if the bank was still open and a different way if it was cloesed and he turned and walked away from me to put on his shoes. He didn't say keep talking I 'm listening or hold on a sec nope he just turned and walked away. So I got ticked and threw the check and deposit at him so he took of his shoes and said do it yourself. We got into a argument and he had the ordasity to tell me to start doing the deposit myself during the day. I was like HELLOOOOOOOOOO I don't have a car during the day I am stuck at home all day long with no vehicle. Fine I will I will start walking in below 0 weather to the bank and do all what needs to be done. I will walk to the bigger town I need to go to at times which is a half hour away. Now Parker is starting to do the same thing he will walk away from me when I am talking to him. I have no respect from anyone. I eat cold meals cause I am constantly getting this or that. I am so sick of hearing MOMMMMMMMEEEEEEE if I don't get there fast enough the tantrumns start. Last night I litterally packed a suitcase and was going to leave. It is still packed sitting in the laundry room. Is it so hard to respect the person that cooks there meals, cleans there house, who when sick cannot rest when everybody else does. I really think once our kids are gone Kevin and I will be strangers living under one roof.

Our tree is finally all decorated. I think it is the best we have ever had. It was so much fun decorating our new house for Christmas. We have room to decorate and still move around. It was so nice. I made a big pot of chili while Kevin and the kdis put the ornaments on the tree. Of course they had them all near the bottom. Kevin would just simply move them as soon as they turned around to get another. We had Christmas music on and I was cooking and they were decorating and the house was cozy warm while the outside was brisk and chilly. I would stop doing what I was doing and watch them. I couldn't help but cry a little thinking how 4 months ago we didn't know if Parker would of been here for Christmas and now he is being a sassy snotty mouth 7 year old that drives me nuts. I remeber saying to my dad through hard tears and gaspy voice all I want is for him to sit up and sas me. My dad looked at me with his own teary eyes but with a twinkle and said I will remind you that you said that. It is hard to beleive Kevin and I have endured what most people don't 2 lost pregnancy's and almost losing 2 children. People take alot for granted. More people need to take the time to talk, snuggle and just spend some time with your kids you never know when they may not be there. Two times in my life I didn't get to hold my children for month(s). Anyway the tree is decorated and the house still smells of pine tree. We made cinnamon dough ornaments which still need to be decorated but they are all backed. So whenever the oven gets turned on the smell of cinnamon fills the house along with pine. The smells of Christmas is wonderful isn't it?

This past Sunday was Easton's 2nd birthday!!!!



Once again I was in tears thinking of almost two years ago when this little peanut was fighting for his life. I tell you I should be a tiny woman verses a little over weight..lol.... Anyway he is one year closer to his surgery. Next year after he turns three at some point that year he will have heart surgery. Again Thank GOD the surgery is so commanly done now that they can do it in a day surgery. Anyway Easton had a good birthday some cake a few new outfits from his grandparents and his auntie. Now when you ask him how old he is he will say twoooo...lol... How fast they grow.

Lets see what else happened this past week. Parker no longer needs ocupational therapy YAYAYAYAY. THey said he writes better than most kids and to think that left hand they didn't think he would have good mobility in it. Dr. Gormely sent a letter for me to give to the school that he feels Parker needs a aid till the end of the school year and he will need to ride the school bus till the end of the year too.

Sat night it was snowing here and the roads were icky and we got stuck in it. They weren't bad when we left but they got worse because of the snow getting harder. Anyway we are using a truck from a friend so I can have a 2nd car. I was following KEvin home after being at Wal~mart getting a birthday cake for Easton. When I went to start the van it was deader than a doonail...UGH... well after 20 min we were able to go. So I was following Kev in the truck when all of a sudden the truck started fishtailing and than the head lights were at me and than gone than the truck was sideways and the headlights were at me again and than the truck was sideways again than it spun again and than it was in the ditch. Needless to say I was screaming in the van and woke Parker up who had fallen asleep. One thing I did was not stomp on my brakes in the van which was good or I would of ended up fishtailing to I just stopped pushing on the gas which I didn't even think about it I just did it, it was my reaction thank God. Anyway Kevin was so freaked cause he had McKinlea with him and he was worried I was going to hit him. Parker got scared from watching it. HE said mama that made me have to go to the bathroom and I thought he said he did pee his pants I was like it's ok baby he said no mama I didn't I just have to go now. I tell ya if he would of I wouldn't of blamed him at all. What a day huh???

Kevin and I are ok. I still have hurt feelings over out fight as I am sure he does too. This is defantly a test to our marriage. We fought again this Sunday, we have had alot of hospital calls though and some of our bills have called and that is why I beleive we are fighting. I am going to call my dad today and see if he can take the kids so Kevin and I can do somthing we have movie passes that expire at the end of this month so maybe a movie or maybe we will just go to Menards and spend his Christmas bonus he got in the mail for 231.00!!! We need a good chunk of rug for our basement so the kids can have a play area. I realy think we need some time for us. Wehardly ever do that if the kids can't come we don't go for the most part.

This month is already hurting for finaces. I am praying we will have enough money to make the house payment this Friday cause it as of Friday will be 8 days late. I just paid our car insurance out of that house payment but what do ya do we need car insurance. I still have to pay last months phone bill..grrr.. I better not think about it anymore cause I get so sad and mad. We were going to be ok but because of the accident we aren't now. I keep telling my self chinup things will be ok. God has always provided. I keep reminding myself Matthew 6:25. Well I better go for now Parker will soon be home.

~ Wendy