Christmas is only four day's away!! I am praying for a snow storm so Kevin and I have a reason to stay at home and not be able to make any place for Christmas. I hear my mom may not be at my grandma's for Christmas eve becuase she does not have any gas to get there. Go figure. She every year hounds gives us greif about not lumping her in with Grandma's Christmas. She expects us to see her Christmas eve and Christmas day. It is so hard. We usually do Christmas eve with Grandma, my aunt and uncle, my two cousins with there family's and my mom. Than Christmas day we do our own thing here at home in the morning and than go to Kev's parents for Christmas eavning, but my mom expects us to come and see her on Christmas Day too. My siblings and I have all thought about all having mom over for supper one day I will have it at 12:00 my sister will have it at 12:05 and than my brother at 12:10 and she BEST make it to all of them and get some quality visiting in. I really hate the holiday's. Now it is a added stress how am I going to make Christmas good for all involved?.? It isn't as easy as telling her this is the way it is going to be it does not work that way cause I will still get a good chewing. I am 30 years old and still terrified of her.

At anyrate Kev and I finished our shopping last night. My mother will not like her gift she will have somthing to say about it. Which pisses me off cause she is hard to shop for. I don't have the money to spend on her or anybody for that matter. This year Christmas scares. If it wasn't for a friend that I met on line that had her youth group sponsor our kids they wouldn't have much. There has been a few friends that have sent us gift cards for Christmas and we have used those too. What a way to spend our first Christmas in our new house. I hope somday we will look back on this year and say boy that was a hard year and say look were we are now.

We are having Christmas with my dad on Friday the 23rd I am looking forward to that. My dad called and said I am as serious as a heart attack I do not want you to buy us anything for Christmas. Well my sis and I went in on a 15.00 gift for him a old fashioned popcorn popper my dad will love it. The kids went to a dollar store and each got Grammy and papa two presents each. Parker got papa a nut cracker and a porcelian black car. He got Grammy a plate with holly and a cardinal on it and Jesus in a manger. McKinlea got papa some candy looking christmas ornaments and a dog toy that says lets play and she got grammy some candy looking christmas ornaments and a dog toy that says love. Easton he got grammy two metal sleighs and papa some reindeer ears with jingles on them and a porcelain house that you have to paint yourself. Easton was so funny we would say ok Easton pick somthing for Grammy and he would put his hands on his hips and go Hmmmmmmmm and than pick what was in front of him and he did the same for Papa too. My dad gets a kick out what they pick for them we have done this since Parker was little. We go to the dollar store and say ok you have this whole store go pick two things our for papa and grammy. One year Parker picked out a heart shaped bath sponge and a waste paper basket for papa. It is always a good chuckle and the kids love shopping for them they take great thought in there choices and they pick things our and put back many times before the desicion is made.

I have been in a backing mood. I have made these chocolate bar things, chocolate mint brownies in which Parker informed me that I make these every year. Which I guess I do it isn't Christmas with out them. My grandma makes it every year for as long as I can remeber at Christmas time. Cinnamon dough ornaments (non ediable), cinnamon swirl cake for grammy's
birthday that was on the 19th We were given two unbaked loafs of Amish friendship bread so I backed that too. I would really like to make some sugar cookies and fudge. I really need to do the sugar cookies cause we have to set them our for Santa. Parker is pretty excited about that.

Every year we set out somthing for santa I try to have cookies there was a few years we were out of milk so we put koolaid out instead Santa liked it the same. Santa has left muddy footprints on my kitchen floor before and glitter all over the table and left a note on the fridge. Since we don't have a fireplace we leave this magical key suction cupped to the window of the front door and only Santa can get it to work and he leaves it on the table too. It is a old fasion skelton key with a tag on it that say's santa has the key to your house. I found it at a craft fair one year and the kids love it!!

Today Parker is having his Christmas party at school. He got his person one of those fly wheel thingy's and he got his teachers a car wash, a homade cinnamon dough ornament and two candy canes with a packet of hot chocolate. His home room teacher got the same thing but a gift card to a cafe here were we live and his aid also the same as his main teacher. We gave the bus driver which is also Kev's boss for his second job we made a fruit basket with apple, oranges, a pineapple and two candy canes, two packets of hot chocolate and a homemade ornament ast well.

I hope everybody has a Merry Christmas!!!

~ Wendy

We had our apt in Marshfeild on Monday Dec 12th for his eye's. The eye dr. there really didn't say anything different than our home one. He has nerve damage that is causing the muscle not to work very well. If I got it straight it is when he moves his eye's to the side's. We go back on March 22nd to see if the nerve has regenerated at all. From there they will determine if it has gotten any better, alot better or the same and take a plan of action being 1.) it's great life goes on 2.) it seems to be better come back in so many months or 3.) it is not getting better we need to do somthing about it.

We went to Scheels on Sunday to look at helemets for him. They adviced us to get a skateboarding helmet. It I guess is the best for all around sporting stuff. So that is the route we are going to take when it comes time to buy one.



~ Wendy

Do you ever wonder what your marriage is going to be like after the kids are grown and out of the house. Somtimes I think Kevin and I will be strangers. We never take time for ourselves. If I am talking to him and one of the kids come up to us and start talking he totally stops talking with me and pays attention to the kids. I am starting to get really hurt by this. I have told him but ya know my feelings are wrong, I think to much he gets snotty with me and always has a argument. I wish you could be a fly on our walls. So why bother talking to him I don't anymore about my feelings. Also it seems like these days Kevin NEVER hears me or is always walking away from me when I am talking to him. For example last night I was telling him how to do the deposit I wanted it one way if the bank was still open and a different way if it was cloesed and he turned and walked away from me to put on his shoes. He didn't say keep talking I 'm listening or hold on a sec nope he just turned and walked away. So I got ticked and threw the check and deposit at him so he took of his shoes and said do it yourself. We got into a argument and he had the ordasity to tell me to start doing the deposit myself during the day. I was like HELLOOOOOOOOOO I don't have a car during the day I am stuck at home all day long with no vehicle. Fine I will I will start walking in below 0 weather to the bank and do all what needs to be done. I will walk to the bigger town I need to go to at times which is a half hour away. Now Parker is starting to do the same thing he will walk away from me when I am talking to him. I have no respect from anyone. I eat cold meals cause I am constantly getting this or that. I am so sick of hearing MOMMMMMMMEEEEEEE if I don't get there fast enough the tantrumns start. Last night I litterally packed a suitcase and was going to leave. It is still packed sitting in the laundry room. Is it so hard to respect the person that cooks there meals, cleans there house, who when sick cannot rest when everybody else does. I really think once our kids are gone Kevin and I will be strangers living under one roof.

Our tree is finally all decorated. I think it is the best we have ever had. It was so much fun decorating our new house for Christmas. We have room to decorate and still move around. It was so nice. I made a big pot of chili while Kevin and the kdis put the ornaments on the tree. Of course they had them all near the bottom. Kevin would just simply move them as soon as they turned around to get another. We had Christmas music on and I was cooking and they were decorating and the house was cozy warm while the outside was brisk and chilly. I would stop doing what I was doing and watch them. I couldn't help but cry a little thinking how 4 months ago we didn't know if Parker would of been here for Christmas and now he is being a sassy snotty mouth 7 year old that drives me nuts. I remeber saying to my dad through hard tears and gaspy voice all I want is for him to sit up and sas me. My dad looked at me with his own teary eyes but with a twinkle and said I will remind you that you said that. It is hard to beleive Kevin and I have endured what most people don't 2 lost pregnancy's and almost losing 2 children. People take alot for granted. More people need to take the time to talk, snuggle and just spend some time with your kids you never know when they may not be there. Two times in my life I didn't get to hold my children for month(s). Anyway the tree is decorated and the house still smells of pine tree. We made cinnamon dough ornaments which still need to be decorated but they are all backed. So whenever the oven gets turned on the smell of cinnamon fills the house along with pine. The smells of Christmas is wonderful isn't it?

This past Sunday was Easton's 2nd birthday!!!!



Once again I was in tears thinking of almost two years ago when this little peanut was fighting for his life. I tell you I should be a tiny woman verses a little over weight..lol.... Anyway he is one year closer to his surgery. Next year after he turns three at some point that year he will have heart surgery. Again Thank GOD the surgery is so commanly done now that they can do it in a day surgery. Anyway Easton had a good birthday some cake a few new outfits from his grandparents and his auntie. Now when you ask him how old he is he will say twoooo...lol... How fast they grow.

Lets see what else happened this past week. Parker no longer needs ocupational therapy YAYAYAYAY. THey said he writes better than most kids and to think that left hand they didn't think he would have good mobility in it. Dr. Gormely sent a letter for me to give to the school that he feels Parker needs a aid till the end of the school year and he will need to ride the school bus till the end of the year too.

Sat night it was snowing here and the roads were icky and we got stuck in it. They weren't bad when we left but they got worse because of the snow getting harder. Anyway we are using a truck from a friend so I can have a 2nd car. I was following KEvin home after being at Wal~mart getting a birthday cake for Easton. When I went to start the van it was deader than a doonail...UGH... well after 20 min we were able to go. So I was following Kev in the truck when all of a sudden the truck started fishtailing and than the head lights were at me and than gone than the truck was sideways and the headlights were at me again and than the truck was sideways again than it spun again and than it was in the ditch. Needless to say I was screaming in the van and woke Parker up who had fallen asleep. One thing I did was not stomp on my brakes in the van which was good or I would of ended up fishtailing to I just stopped pushing on the gas which I didn't even think about it I just did it, it was my reaction thank God. Anyway Kevin was so freaked cause he had McKinlea with him and he was worried I was going to hit him. Parker got scared from watching it. HE said mama that made me have to go to the bathroom and I thought he said he did pee his pants I was like it's ok baby he said no mama I didn't I just have to go now. I tell ya if he would of I wouldn't of blamed him at all. What a day huh???

Kevin and I are ok. I still have hurt feelings over out fight as I am sure he does too. This is defantly a test to our marriage. We fought again this Sunday, we have had alot of hospital calls though and some of our bills have called and that is why I beleive we are fighting. I am going to call my dad today and see if he can take the kids so Kevin and I can do somthing we have movie passes that expire at the end of this month so maybe a movie or maybe we will just go to Menards and spend his Christmas bonus he got in the mail for 231.00!!! We need a good chunk of rug for our basement so the kids can have a play area. I realy think we need some time for us. Wehardly ever do that if the kids can't come we don't go for the most part.

This month is already hurting for finaces. I am praying we will have enough money to make the house payment this Friday cause it as of Friday will be 8 days late. I just paid our car insurance out of that house payment but what do ya do we need car insurance. I still have to pay last months phone bill..grrr.. I better not think about it anymore cause I get so sad and mad. We were going to be ok but because of the accident we aren't now. I keep telling my self chinup things will be ok. God has always provided. I keep reminding myself Matthew 6:25. Well I better go for now Parker will soon be home.

~ Wendy

Well Parker has nerve damage on both eye's which is causing the muscle in his right to do somthing. Basically his right eye is lower than his left which is causing the double vision to come and go. It is confusing. So we now have to go to a even more specialized eye Dr in Marshfeild WI ( same place Easton was at) to have him look at it. They are thinking he will have to have eye surgery.

Kev and I got into a HUGE and I mean HUGE fight. Of course about my mom She called me and said you are suing me and we arn't Parker's guardian Elightem put a claim into her insurance and than he sent a letter to my grandma because her foster daughter was in the accident and Parkers guardian enlightem is going to try to put a claim into the Mondovi Dairy truck to ( the one that ended up on top of the blazer) So my grandma showed my mom the letter and it made it sound like I guess we were suing her. Which we arn't we told the lawyer not to take action against my mom just make sure Parker gets what is owed to him which is 51,000 His bills are over 200,000 and right now it looks to be Kev and I owe 80,000 out of pocket. We are still waiting on some things to go through insurance though and the 50,000 to go through so we may owe 20,000 out of pocket plus whatever the future bills hold. Anyway we got into a huge fight. Kevin said I am not putting Parker first and not sticking up for him and basically I am a bad mom. So I was pissed and I told him to get out of my F'ing house and I slapped him across the face. When I told him to get out he said who's house is it I pay the bills. So because I don't work it's not my house. Anyway I have been crying non stop today. I apologized for hitting him I should of never did that ( and NO the kids did not see it they were not in the room) I feel so horrible for that I should of never did that. Kev has yet to apologize to me about this is his house comment he knows that hurt me. I am stuck in the middle. I am ready to leave I am a horrible mom and wife. I don't know how to feel. I am angry at my mom for all of this. I never asked for this. It is my fault I am the one who said that Sunday and Tuesday he could stay. I should of said no he had to come home. I am to the point were I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want this life anymore. Easton still has surgery comming up now possibly Parker. Easton is gunky and that is scary for me I am constantly watching his chest to make sure he is breathing right. We left the play area at the mall today because other kids were playing tag and we don't want Parker to get bumbed and knocked over. When can I be a normal mom.

To add to my stress McKinlea still is not potty trained she is going to be 4. Easton's Birthday is this Sunday and I have no money and nothing to do for it. Christmas is right around the corner.

Anyway my dad gave me a outline of his thoughts to make me feel better so I don't have to feel bad about getting a gurdian enlightem for Parker here it is:

>Hired Attorney
>Researched funds from ALL insurance Company's to assist with Parker (victim) Medical and educational needs.
>#1 concern 7 yr old Boys life quality!
>not a personal attack never was this is between the lawyer and insurance co's not just mom's insurance.
> Bills continue more so than anybody else involved in the accident
> no guilt accepted I am protecting my son.

I keep reading this list my dad made and reminding myself this. Anyway sorry to go on.

~ Wendy

I am angry. We got a gurdian enlightem for Parker to make sure that my moms imsurance co pays what is do to him and they have been also lealing with our medical insurance as well. We specifically told him DO NOT SUE MY MOM. Well I gues the lawyer is doing just that. My grandma got a letter asking if she wanted him to represent my grandma's foster kid ( cause mom had her to in the car ) and siad somthing to the effect of they are going after my mom and the dairy company becuase I guess that truck had faulty trucks. So my mom calls me and says your suing me. I'm like no. I called our lawyer and of couerse he is gone till Thursday and he is in another state. I told the sec I didn't care I'm sure he has a cell phone and he can call me. She said not to get angry with her and I can leave a voice message so I did. I told him if he can take time to check his messages he can take time to call me. This is so unfair so unfair. I didn't ask to be put in this position. I never asked for it. Why do I have to sit and cry? Why do I have to worry about Christmas? Why do I have to deal with all of this? WHY? I hate my life, I hate the way it is turning out. I have not even truly enjoyed our new house because of this. I wish we never got it.

On a lighter note my daughter made me laugh so hard on Sat. She is soon to be 4 and she will not potty train. Well on Sat she say's I have to go potty so I take her in to the toilet. Well she is sitting there and she say's I have a hole in my butt. I am like yes she say's why....LOL..... OMGOSH I laughed and I just siad that is the way we were all made so you can go potty. Well because she wears pull ups there was a little peice of the pull up on her little girly area and she say it it looked like a web cause it was stringy and she said mommy I have a spider in my butt....LOL..... I was like no you don't she said what is it than I told her what it was . It was soooooo funny. I was telling my dad this and my dad said did you hear what Parker said when we went to eat last SUnday night I saidd no Well Parker had ordered a corn dog and he took the breading off and ate that first and than he hld up his hot dog that was still on the stick and said I have a naked weiner :O I don't know what it is about my kids and body parts this week but they made me laught this weekend.

We got our Christmas tree on Sat. HOLY COW is is HUGE. IT is 8.5 feet tall and it is WIDE. We went a little over board on it. It is pretty. We need to finish putting on the ornaments.

Friday we went shopping on black friday. I was at the store by 3:30 am and I got all I wanted. I mean how can you pass up cabbage patch babies for 10.00. Kev went with me while my neice babysat the kids for us. We also got McKinlea a new carseat. It was a 30.00 car seat that was on sale for 12.00 a high back booster. So now all the kids have new carseats. Parker is not thrilled that he is 7 and is in a booster seat but oh well he will be in it till he is 100 pounds. Anything to keep them safe.

Well I better go and figure somthing out for supper.

~ Wendy

Wanted to wish everybody a Great Turkey day!!! I am thankful for God, my children, my husband and that I have a roof over my head. This year I am so thankful to have my son Parker. I am thankful that he is a fighter. He amazes me he has taken everything in with a smile. He has poked prodded and what not and eveyday he smiles and is such a happy little boy. I really need to take a lesson from him.

Today will be of travel travel travel. First off to my Grandma's house for lunch, than to Kevin's parents house. I would really like to go to my aunt Patty's house to somtime today. Than tonight at midnight I may go shopping for walmarts all day after thanksgiving sales. I am still working on trying to find sombody for after thanksgiving shopping so I can be there at 4am. As of now looks like I will not be able to go :'( There are things I want for the kids.

Well I have to go so I can get ready for the thanksgiving feast that await us. Ta ta for now!!!!!

~ Wendy

Hi my name is Wendy and I live in central WI. I am married to a wonderful man named Kevin for 11 yrs now. I have three beautiful miracle children Parker Alex, McKinlea Elizabeth and Easton Isaac. Kevin and I also have 2 angles which we lost to miscarriage. I am a sahm as of now. I used to be a wahm doing daycare till our last baby Easton ended up very sick. Easton was flown to Marshfeild WI on January 22nd of 2004 he was 7 weeks old. He had viral phnemonia. Doctors could hear a murmor in his heart even through all the gunk in his lungs so they did a ultra sound of his heart and discovered that he has a hole in his heart called ASD (Atrial Septal Defect) . Here is a link on what ASD is all about http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/heart-encyclopedia/anomalies/asd.htm . He was in the hospital for 3 weeks being two weeks on the ventilator. The doctors said it is a good thing we ventalated him because he was ready to just give up. Those words to this day are still so strong in my head it is like the doctor is saying them. Easton is right now is looking at having surgery to repair that hole when he is 3. With todays science it will be a day surgery. They will go up through the main vein in the leg to the heart and open up a umbrella looking thing to patch the hole. He will go home that same day. Still either way it is a surgery and stressful for a parent to go through. Winters with him are a constant worry. Watching the booger noses and his breathing hopeing and praying he doesn't get sick and end up in the hospital once again. His little heart just can't keep up with the phnemonia.

We just moved to our new house the last week of July 2005!!!! Finally out of the 14X70 trailer that we had lived in for 10 yrs and into a brand new 1800 sq ft house!!!! Things were starting to look up for us. A new life a new beggining. The three kids were all healthy. On August 12th I was home unpacking boxes ( the toiletry's to be exact) when my world once again came crashing down on me. The phone rang, I ran to answer it and on the other line I hear is this Wendy La_ _ _ _ I say yes it is. I knew it was the hospital because of caller ID. The voice on the other line said I am blah blah blah( can't rember his name and for his protection I would not say) I am the chaplian here at (he said our local hospital's name ) Is your Son Parker La_ _ _ _ I said yes and he said we have your son here. He was involved in a car accident. He was with your mother Deborah McM_ _ _ _ _ _ by now I am crying and asking what is wrong with him they said they could not tell me but they wanted me to know they were going to be flying him to St. Paul MN. I said what is wrong with my son they would not answer me. I asked were my mother was and she was taken t a local hospital. I said were do I go to St. Paul or to our local hospital. He told me to stay home. I knew it was bad because of Easton they just don't fly anybody out unless it is bad. I call my step mom and I am screaming so bad she could not hear me or understand me at all. She said honey I am on my way there. I than called my husband at work and yelled at him to get to the hospital NOW Parker was in a accident and you need to go now. My husbans was WHAT PArker was in a accident he must of asked me that like 3 times. I than called 3 of my good friends I could only get a hold of 1 at that time. By now my step mom was there and the hospital called and asked if I knew if Parker had had his tetnis shot. I was like if it is part of baby shots than yes. I once again asked what is wrong with my son and he siad he couldn't tell me. I said I am not waiting at home any more. I threw some clothes in a suitcase for me and kev and was throwing bags of diapers down the hall for the little ones. Trying to find stuff was hard because we were still all packed. I got to the hospital in time to see the helicopter leave. My husband got to see him but not me. My dad drove me and my husband the 2 hour drive to the hospital. What a long drive. Sad thing is it was less than two years ago we did almost the same thing but with our youngest. My dad driving me and my husband to a hospital 2 hrs away because our child was very sick. I kept thinking about that when we drove that long drive. You see my mom made a left turn from a straight lane verses a left turn lane in which the car she was driving was struck by a Straight Truck ( caring 4 different farm chemicals) setting up a chain reaction crash involving a semi truck which was caring a VERY heavy load it was a overnight express truck. Parker sustained the most serious injuries of the three people in the vehicle. On that Friday afternoon and into the evening the prognosis was very grim. Parker was medflighted from the scene to our home town hospital which was 4 min away and then on to Regions Hospital in St. Paul. He was in critical care for about 4~5 days I really don't remeber how long it is a blur. He had severe brain trama in which they put a pressure monitor in, Parker also sustained a broken rib, broken scapula and some small fractures to the pelvic bone in two spots a lacerated spleen which was considered a grade 3, a pretrachial hemmorage, a colapsed lung and he severally stretch the ligaments on the first two vertibraes right under your head near the brain stem which is why he was put in a halo, he had a huge laceration right above his eye brow which took 2hrs for plastic surgeons to stich up . The nerves above that eye were damaged and he cannot raise that eyebrow they may come back or may not. He also had bit his toungue very severe. I think I remebered it all. He was in intense rehab for three weeks which included phyisical therapy, speech therapy, ocupational therapy, theraputic therapy , physcology each one for a hour. We spent a total of a month in the hospital. He has done way better than Dr. every expected. Because he was struck on the right side he had at first little to no movement on his left side. Which he started moving his left leg but not arm and the doc's thought he would maybe not ever use that arm well he proved them wrong by one day giving them a thumbs up with that hand!!! He has a little brisk reaction on his left side today but they feel it will improve. He cognativly is functioning at a 5yr old level and he is 7yrs old. School is going good. They have been so awesome they hired a aid to be with him all day for safety. They did a penny harvest to raise money for us to help with our finaces. He is listed as a Learning Disability and a tramatic brain injury student on his school papers. For being a new student they have been so good about learning all they can to make his transition to school awesome. He missed about two weeks of school. He seems to making friends but not really a one that he play's with all the time like a good buddy. I hope that happens soon. Parker has adjusted well to his accident and the new school. What a way to start a new school huh?? Pictures of his accident can be seen here. http://www.dropshots.com/wendylea75 You will have to scroll threw and find them. There are some of the car. Some of him at the hospital, some getting his halo off and so forth.

Once again God has answered prayers. It is the worst feeling in the world sitting beside your childs hospital bed not knowing if they are going to make it through the night or day. Nobody should have to go through what My husban and I have been through.

As for our Daughter McKinlea well she is upset because she dosn't have a hospital so we have now convinced her that her peditrician is her hospital. She is happy with that.

So there ya go what a way to start a blog huh??

~ Wendy